With this topic, I really didn’t know where to start. I changed the title numerous times and settled on the one that felt most accurate.
One might assume that I’d simply start by highlighting my beautiful journey with my beautiful SONshine, but my journey to parenthood started way before I became what society deems a parent. I've been a protector and guardian.
As the first-born child, I became a parent 1 year and 1 day after my birth: my little sister Nicole was born. We were stuck together like glue, and she literally looked up to me and looked to me to see how I would respond to the chaos that surrounded us growing up (our parents went through a dramatic divorce when we were young).
I also helped to watch over my other siblings since I was the oldest. Whenever I went to my mom’s house for visitation (my parents are divorced, and my dad got custody of Nicole and me), I had my 4 sometimes 5 younger siblings I bossed around and made sure they were ok.
One time, I remember going to the park with my siblings and getting in trouble because I told our mom we were going to one park but ended up at another. When she found us, she was pissed! It was not my idea to switch our location, but since I was the oldest, I took the butt-whooping because I was supposed to be responsible for everyone else.
At the time, I certainly felt some type of way. How did I get this responsibility? Just because of birth order? I didn’t want it! I just wanted to be a kid like my siblings were able to. I don’t blame my mom at all. It’s a societal problem. The formal term for this is parentification. If you experienced any of the listed tasks, you might have been parentified in your childhood. According to an article in Psychology Today on Parentification, it is a form of relational trauma. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202107/the-parentified-child-in-adulthood).
If you desire to dive even deeper into parentification, there's a blog that breaks it down further than I did: https://hopefulpanda.com/parentification/
I blame no one for this, as people live what they learn and do their best with what they know. But now I know better, so I must disrupt the cycle. #growth
Juxtaposition: (Because of the alcohol abuse that occurred in my grandma’s house (where I grew up), I was introduced to adult themes way before I should've been introduced to them. I had to grow up quickly, missing some of the basic emotional skills essential to my childhood. As a result, in my adult life, my inner child craves what I missed. As I peel back those layers, I realize I need those things even now. At the root of all my behaviors is an inner child trying to get attention, gain access, escape, and get her needs met. I FELT Michael Jackson when he sang, 🎵“Have you seen my childhood?”🎵 Not to the extent that he experienced not having a childhood, but certainly to my own personal extent.)
In elementary and middle school, I would often be bossing around my friends and took on a motherly role in the street while skating, riding our bikes, playing kickball, and defending my sister from them knucklehead boys on the block.
In high school, my nickname was "Motha Nature". I was pretty authoritative with my friends, and those that knew me and loved me knew I was coming from a place of care and love, so they didn’t mind… at least they never told me they did. 😜
When I was 20, I gained the most beautiful title I've ever held up to that point: AUNTIE! My beautiful niece Ayaina arrived Earthside on 6/12/2005 and changed my life. Especially when she and my sister came to live with me briefly while I was in college...it was an honor and privilege to watch over her during that time.
Soon after, I became Auntie to a host of other humans who I've loved and will always love as my babies. They will always have my support and everlasting love. My favorite part about being an Auntie? Showering them with tons of love and giving them back to their parents!
Upon graduating college, I became an educator and served as a mother to many children. The luxury of the job is to have a great influence over many children’s lives. For years, I was settled without having a child of my own because I had so many children to take care of daily. I must admit that at some point in my career, teaching became emotionally taxing it was wearing some on me (especially when I taught middle school) because their emotions were so heavy at times that I had no choice but to absorb them for myself. So for the four years, I taught middle schoolers, I felt crazy! But I loved being a part of their lives and am forever thankful for social media because I get to keep up with them as adults.
As a lifelong student, I always remembered not what the teacher taught me, but what and who they were to me. So, as an educator, I strived to be just what my students needed: a mainstay person in their lives that cared for them and loved them as they were mine. Ultimately, I know that I was influential in many students’ lives. Children are my passion, and I will most certainly have that for the rest of my life.
At 26, I became a dog mom! Our family had many dogs in my life, but this was the first time I had dogs for myself. Aquilles came first and brought so much joy to our lives! He was a Miniature Beagle, and when he was a baby, he fit right in our pockets… Literally. We took him everywhere with us! Then, we had to get him a companion...that's when we got Apollo! He was the most complex dog I've ever met. I always said that if I had to diagnose Apollo with anything, it would be Autism Spectrum Disorder (which is crazy because now, I have a son on the Spectrum 🤯). Having these dogs really gave me some basic skills for mothering. It was the first time I had to take care of someone who depended solely on me for their existence. These two dogs spent time in my life for 10 years and changed my life for the better. When I had my son, they quietly departed the physical realm. It was almost like they waited for me to have my son. Aquilles was put down because he lost complete use of his hind legs. Apollo died of cancer, but he also died of a broken heart. He missed Aquilles so much. He was never the same. I’ll never forget what they’ve done for me.
It wasn't easy when I began the journey to produce my own child biologically. I will dive more into this in another blog post, as I know it deserves its own story. I’ve grown three babies with my body, but only one made to the physical realm. The others remain in my heart and will remain there for the rest of this lifetime. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t think about them. I thank all three souls for choosing me as a portal to the physical realm from Source. I bathe in gratitude and will honor them until my last breath.
Can't wait to share the parenting journey I've been on as of late. The days are surely long, but the years are so short. My Sweet Thang will be 6 years old in December. Brings tears to my eyes to even think about it.
Alexa, play "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart. This is a song dedicated to my inner child. The cover linked below is incredible. It washed my soul with all kinds of beautiful vibrations.
Mama McCoy, I believe I started calling you that, of course only after I heard you call Mrs.Blair that a jillion times. You touched so many hearts not only in your teaching but in your life journey as well! You are wonderful, thank you for soaking up my extra big emotion, I thank you everyday for that ❤️ Love you lady ❤️