Greetings, Happy Monday and Happy April, everyone! May this blog post bring you what you need in the present moment. My love is extended to all who could use a little extra, and may my light exude positivity and kindness. Asé! Let's seize the moment!
Because of my busy schedule, my blogs will start aligning with "A Monday Moment with Mal," my live-streamed episodes on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitch. Check them out at the aforementioned links!
Today’s blog topic and all of April will be devoted to autism or parenting. Both topics in my life are synonymous. In my parenting journey, one does not exist without the other. Also, April marks the beginning of Autism Awareness Month, and April 2nd is recognized as World Autism Awareness Day, so as an AUSOME mom, I feel like I should be the one to educate others as I have been educated.
So, y’all know I love me a good definition, and I'm team #factsoverfeelings, right? So, let’s get into it!
Dictionary.com defines autism as “a developmental disability of highly variable presentation, commonly characterized by social and communication differences, repetitive behaviors, intense specialized interests, and differences in sensory processing.” I love that In the Māori language of New Zealand, the word ‘autism’ means ‘in his/her own time and space.’ I love and use that definition. We can also use ‘neurodivergent’ or ‘neurodiversity,’ which means “the variation and differences in neurological structure and function that exist among human beings, especially when viewed as being normal and natural rather than pathological.” I will also refer to ableism, which is defined as ‘discrimination against disabled people.’
Autistic people and people with autism are people. And when talking about people with autism, you must center their voice because if not, you’re an ableist. So, shoutout to CNN, the US Department of Health and Human Services Service’s Office of Early Childhood Development, and a blog by James Ward-Sinclair, an autistic person, for providing the following facts:
“The most recent statistics (from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) came out in March 2023, pulled data from 11 sites (in the United States) and reported 1 out of every 36 kids is autistic. The study before that estimated around 1 in 40. About 10 years ago, the autism rate was 1 in 100, or even lower. The most recent data reflects that our ability to recognize autism and diagnose it early has improved dramatically. We’re now able to diagnose people with autism who might have (previously) fallen through the cracks.” - Dr. Daniel Geschwind.
ASD is about four times more likely in boys than girls. <But autism doesn’t look the same in girls as it is in boys. There are studies to support that autistic females will mask their condition to mimic other people.>
ASD affects children of all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic groups.
Autism & Intelligence are NOT linked. Everybody is neurodivergent to some extent. For example, if you look at a simple IQ test, a substantial portion of people will perform really badly on one specific item. That doesn’t mean they have problems — it’s just that it means we all have strengths and weaknesses. I think we have to accept that intelligence is not just one thing, that cognition isn’t one thing, that there’s not just one way to behave.”- Dr. Daniel Geschwind.
Though they may have certain commonalities, no two autistic children or adults are precisely the same.
Early identification of ASD helps children get the services they need.
Typically, the earlier children are diagnosed and receive services, the better their outcomes are.
Children with ASD can learn and succeed in the classroom and beyond. Like every child, with the help of their families, providers, doctors, specialists, and communities, kids with ASD can thrive.
Autism changes over time. Children with autism may change their presentation as they grow.
Autism is a lifelong condition. This means that those who were autistic children will grow up to become autistic adults.
I’ve been candidly open about my journey with my autistic son. I’ve written about it on my Facebook page and blog and provided windows into our world with video examples on social media. I would use this time to talk about him, but honestly, I’m learning that his story is a story I can tell from my point of view, but out of respect for him, I don’t want to tell his story for him.
So, instead, I decided to tell my story. And honestly, this part of my story is new, so I’m still processing some things about it and asking as many questions as possible. But I think I’m autistic. And here’s how I came to this conclusion:
On December 9, 2023, I was brainlessly scrolling through Facebook because I wasn’t working on my dissertation. After all, I was waiting for my comments from my professor to come back to me. Anyway, my friend, who is a special education teacher, reposts the following infographic on her page-
Photo: Mrs. SpeechieP
As I read through the characteristics on the left, I recognized them because I experienced many of them in real life with my son. But, when I looked to the right, I read them…then I read them again… and about 11 characteristics on this chart refer to ME. Then, I had to walk backward through my childhood AND adulthood to see where I may have had the characteristics. I conclusively determined that I’m neurodivergent based on the following facts:
I’m overly friendly at times. I used to get in trouble for it all the time.
I had ZERO boundaries. I’m certainly getting better at creating boundaries, but I struggled.
I used to be the student that hugged everyone all the time. I always needed deep pressure, but I also grew up in a non-affectionate family, so it was trauma-related but also could be related to autism.
I was in constant internal turmoil, but I WAS the perfect student! I was often called the teacher’s pet, always kept straight As, was obsessed with learning the biggest words I could learn, and was a consistent people pleaser. (Now, some of this was trauma-related and related to my astrological programming, but I was also a master masker…and still am). I was in the gifted program from 2nd grade to 8th grade at my school, but because I was so smart, I wouldn’t have been diagnosed with Autism/ADD or anything else of the like because that just didn’t happen in the '90s. Now, kids can be twice exceptional, which I know I was, but I was never formally diagnosed.
I STILL frequently interrupt people. I will forget what I’m going to say if I don’t say it when I think about it.
I’m notorious for oversharing. I am thankful for this platform so I can overshare! :)
I’m highly distressed with change that is out of my control, but I’m getting better for sure! When I met Raymond, he always made fun of me because everywhere I went, I ordered chicken strips and fries. That combo was my safe meal. Fast forward to now; I’m flipping tables to change! However, Leo is also a fixed sign, so change is difficult. It’s hard to discern my feelings between the two.
I have a photographic memory. It was really why school was and continues to be so easy for me. When I was younger, I could remember what I read, what page the information was on, and what paragraph the information was in. It was way better when I was younger, but I still have it. It’s great for test-taking!
I thrive in routine. Like BIG TIME! When I started controlling my time in high school and especially college, I would schedule my time down to the hour. Sometimes, every half hour. And this was without an electronic schedule. I wrote my every day down EVERY DAY! It seemed manic, but I thrived! Now, I’m a little more lax in routine, but my son is even more routine than me. He’s so routine; he knows what time everything happens in his life without knowing the time. He just feels it. For example, his gymnastics lesson is 30 minutes long, and about 2 minutes before his lesson is over, he walks over to me and grabs my hand to get him ready to leave.
If I could, I would avoid all eye contact. Giving eye contact is something I constantly struggle with. I distinctly remember one of my college friends saying, “You NEVER look at me in my eyes!” So, when I look at people in their eyes, the tape of his voice self-consciously plays through my mind. But honestly, I will forget what people say to me because I’m focused on looking at them in their eyes. With my students, I look past their heads, and they always look behind them because I don’t look at them in the eyes. It’s really uncomfortable for me, and I’m sure it is for them. I just can’t do it.
Just last week, I had a parent-teacher conference with one of my kindergartner’s parents, and they both spoke about getting diagnosed with ADHD as adults. I’m certainly considering getting diagnosed, but just knowing what I know about myself, I would be paying for them to formally tell me what I already know. So, I don’t necessarily know the benefit for me to get diagnosed now. You can always let me know what you think if you get this far in my comments or my DMs.
My call to action to you this week is to educate yourself about what it means to be neurodivergent. Do not lean in on your own understanding or experience. To avoid being an ableist, center neurodivergent voices and listen louder than you speak. Lastly, prioritize expressing love, patience, kindness, compassion, and empathy for others above all things. All the people are our people. We are merely reflections of each other.
And to wrap up, I leave you with a quote and a list of affirmations:
Well, that's all for me this week! Tune in next week for a show entitled “Ughhh! Parenting!” Or “Parenting 🤬 Sucks”. I haven’t settled on a title yet. LOL
Alexa, play my rendition of "Beautiful Boy," which is dedicated to my beautiful son! I recorded it in the laundry room during the quarantine.
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