Greetings and Happy Monday, everyone! May this blog post bring you what you need in the present moment. My love is extended to all who could use a little extra, and may my light exude positivity and kindness. Asé! Let's seize the moment!
Because of my busy schedule, my blogs will start aligning with "A Monday Moment with Mal," my live-streamed episodes on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitch. Check them out at the aforementioned links!
Now, you know I love me a good definition, and I'm team #factsoverfeelings, right? So, let’s get into it. According to dictionary.com, to heal means to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment. It also means to bring to an end or conclusion, as conflicts between people or groups, usually with the strong implication of restoring former amity, settle; or reconcile.
An article from The University of Rochester Medical Center Encyclopedia lists the steps to wound healing.
The first step is to stop the bleeding, which is an intricate process of blood cells clumping and clotting to protect the wound. This eventually turns into a scab under the proper conditions.
The second step is inflammation, which happens when the wound is finally closed, and “the blood vessels can open a bit to allow fresh nutrients and oxygen into the wound for healing. The right oxygen balance in your blood is also important; otherwise, the wound won't heal correctly. Other cells protect the wound and even send messages to your body to help repair the wound.
The third step is growth and rebuilding. Red blood cells with tons of oxygen band together to help build new tissue. This is when the scab is drying up.
Finally, step four is strengthening. In this step, the new tissue gets stronger. While this happens, the wound stretches, itches, and even puckers. The wound gains strength quickly over the first six weeks of healing. And I found this point incredibly interesting: “in about 3 months, the wound is only 80% as strong in its repair as it was before the injury, and the wound area will never reach 100% of its original strength. And depending on the size and the severity of the wound, the entire healing process might take up to a couple of years to complete.”
The process may look easy, but wound healing is very difficult and involves a lot of different chemicals. Some things can make healing take longer or not happen at all. One of the most important things that can stop a cut from healing is if it doesn't get enough blood. New blood is very important for wound healing because it brings oxygen and nutrients to the area. If a cut doesn't get enough blood, it could take twice as long to heal, if it heals at all. And if you have DIS-eases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, or even smoking, it will make it even more difficult to heal wounds. I want you to process this information because of the stark comparisons and contrasts to the processes of emotional and energy healing.
This brings me to my topic of the week: Healing Hurts. When we're physically hurt, we tend to the open wounds with care, clean them up, bandage them, and patiently wait for them to heal. It hurts while healing, but every day, we tend to the hurt by cleansing the wound, rebandaging it when necessary, making accommodations, and adjusting our lives for healing. And the hurt lessens as it heals. And we know what to expect when we are physically healing. There’s no manual we need to guide us because our flesh and bone frames are smart and know how to heal. But what does it look like to heal our souls? Like our flesh and bone frames, there's no manual for healing our souls. And when we experience emotional wounds, we can’t follow the same process. We collectively do many things, including pushing our emotions to the side, drowning our emotions in inebriation, or even using the wrong emotion to express ourselves. All the while, the root cause of emotion still exists. It's not comfortable for some to feel FEELINGS. However, you just can't put a band-aid on your emotions. You literally have to feel to heal, and it doesn't feel good at all.
You also have to feel safe in order to feel your feelings to heal. I’m talking about being emotionally safe compared to the physical wound that needs to feel safe to scab. You also don’t have to wait for others to create a safe place to heal… everything you’ve ever needed, you have and always will have inside you.
The deeper part of emotional wounds is that they’re generally coupled with grief, which is an unpredictable phenomenon in itself because the deeper part of grief is rooted in love and care, which are emotions directly connected to the heart. And the kicker is that no one can control the grieving process, so it’s almost like picking at a physical wound and opening it up over and over again with every thought, every smell, every song you shared, every phone call you can’t make, every voice you can’t hear…everything that reminds you of the noun you grieve. I wrote about that in a blog last year. To me, the absolute worst part of grieving is when other people put their emotions on top of your feelings. As a result, you’re not only having to heal your emotional self; you’re having to carry someone else’s feelings while trying to heal yourself, resulting in more trauma to an already gaping wound.
One emotional wound my family has experienced in the last year is the GRIEF over the murder of my aunt and her husband. Even though it’s almost been a year, it still feels surreal. The funeral was the figurative band-aid, and the real healing process started after everyone returned to their lives. But did they really? Absolutely not! Life is never the same without your loved ones, no matter what form they’re in. Human form, animal form, and if you’re like me and name your plants…plant form… it all hurts. Her absence and the way she transitioned… it’s just unbelievable. And the way her death was so public and made international news…the energy of others’ feelings on an INTERNATIONAL LEVEL on top of the feelings you feel is indescribable with words. In reality, my family is hurting so badly. My heart hurts for my cousins, their families, and all my other family members still heavily affected by their passing every day. The loss is so tragic I project there will never be an end to the healing process.
At this moment, I just want to take a moment and hold space for my aunt, Kathy Chatman McRoberts, and her husband, Donald McRoberts.
First, I’ll talk about Donald McRoberts, AKA Mack, and as Aunt Kathy adoringly called him, “Big Mack Truck”! I didn’t know him personally, but I knew how he was responsible for my Aunt Kathy’s smile. They loved each other so much. He came into her life later and changed her life for good. It’s still wild that he served our country in the Army and even was a Vietnam War Veteran… who ultimately lost his life at the hands of his grandson in his own home. He didn’t deserve it.
And to my Aunt Kathy. The only self-proclaimed Triple OG I recognize. Born under a Leo Sun and Sagittarius Moon, the world just didn’t know what they would experience in your presence. You were an energy bomb, so free-spirited, powerful, flirtatious, charismatic, brave, open, optimistic, and dominant and prominent, as you always said! We never needed to guess your thoughts because you spoke your mind so freely! I loved that about you. You had so much life left to live and didn’t deserve what happened to you.
Aunt Kathy, I know you’re with us. I know you’re DOING IT BIG in the astral plane. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams. I wore purple today to honor you. I love you so much.
Readers, my call to action now is for you to give yourself space to experience all that life brings. From the 30,000-foot view, we all experience the dualities of life simultaneously and at varying degrees. And if you find yourself on the hurting side of the duality, it's important to give yourself the same care, patience, and grace as if you have a physical open wound. Tend to yourself emotionally as you would physically, and don't rush the process. Move through with grace and gentle care for yourself...even when it still hurts. Most importantly, empower yourself to create the space to heal by any means necessary!
And to wrap up, I leave you with a quote and a list of affirmations:
Well, that's all for me this week! Tune in next week for a show entitled “The Importance of Local School Board Elections.” If you exercise your right to vote, you must vote in knowledge, not ignorance. Please let me enlighten you. Your child’s educational future depends on it!
Alexa, play “My Life” by Mary J. Blige. My aunt Kathy loved her some Mary J.! I can hear her singing this song right now during our family karaoke parties. I now realize she was comforting my family and me by urging us to look to the essence of God for everything we need. Thank you for that gift. 💜
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