This is a transcript of a show I did in January 2024. Information is still pertainable all year long!
Greetings and Happy Monday, everyone! May this blog post bring you what you need in the present moment. May my light exude positivity and kindness, and may my love be extended to all who could use a little extra. Asé! Let's seize the moment!
Because of my busy schedule, my blogs will start aligning with "A Monday Moment with Mal," my live-streamed episodes on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitch. Check them out at the aforementioned links!
The topic today deals with gaslighting. You know I love me a good definition, and I'm Team #factsoverfeelings, so let’s break it down a little. What do I mean when I’m talking about gaslighting? This word has become more mainstream due to the rise of awareness of narcissism; however, the term "gaslight" was first used in the 1944 film Gaslight, where a woman's husband refused to see her reality as the truth and literally drove her to insanity. The term gained more traction in feminist literature in the late 1970s, and has shaped itself into the meaning of “dismiss or discredit someone’s viewpoint” or to cause a person to doubt their judgment, memory, or sanity through psychological manipulation as recent as 2016. It was even named “Word of the Year” in 2022, so it’s really making rounds recently.
When referencing the gut, I’m speaking about our intuition, our 6th sense, a natural instinct, and as the Cambridge English Dictionary defines it, “ an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts.” It’s that “gut feeling” one gets when there’s something to pay attention to. You know something, but you have no reason to know it. It's an inner wisdom that transcends logic. Because it’s not logical, it’s so hard to define it logically. In my enlightenment over the past 4 years, I know that some things can't be explained with human logic.
So what do I mean when I say “Gaslighting Your Gut”? So, as defined, we often think about gaslighting as a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual dismissal that someone OUTSIDE OF US does to us to make us second guess our own thoughts. But what if YOU'RE the one who’s second-guessing yourself? What happens if you don't follow that feeling you had before something happened or while something is happening? Then you realize that what you felt was actually the right feeling, and then you figuratively beat yourself up about it?
This has happened to me and has happened to others around me. I'm constantly in conversations with others about situations where they "gaslit their gut." They've seen something play out in their reality (whether on a micro or macro level) and totally made themselves believe that the situation is not what it actually is.
This is not to be confused with cognitive dissonance, a term psychologists use to describe people who know contradicting facts/beliefs and actions. Example: I love animals, but you eat meat. Pick me because that was me, too! If I didn't see the meat being processed, I didn't think about it when I was tearing up the KFC Original Recipe chicken leg or the Whopper at BK. Eating bacon and loving on my dogs while doing so. Or you hold a belief that sinners will burn in hell for eternity, but then you sin and say if you repent, you'll be forgiven. Or if you hear the fact that smoking affects your health, but you keep smoking because it feels good. All are examples of cognitive dissonance that aren't examples of what I'm talking about today on the show.
I've mentioned in previous episodes that I'm a recovering people pleaser, so I've done this practically my whole life. I'd have my own opinion or thoughts about something, and someone else would come up with their thoughts that opposed my instinct, and I would succumb to them simply because I subconsciously wanted to be pleasing.
Total aside but relevant, I was subbing for my son's PE teacher at his school in December, and it was the easiest day. Most of the day was Health classes, and two were PE classes. No one got hurt on my watch, so that was a win! Anyway, instead of the traditional health classes that other schools have, a representative from Synergy comes and teaches each class a social-emotional curriculum. For those not in Kansas City, Synergy is a local organization serving the Greater Kansas City area. It seeks to create safe and violent-free communities by helping women and children in crisis with their immediate needs and providing services to assist these families.
During the classes I participated in, the students reviewed the parts of the brain and what each part does. It was so informative to me because I don't remember learning that in school at all, and if I did, it was too scientific to stick. The instructor talked about the amygdala and our body's first response to stimuli outside of us. She spoke about fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. When she said "fawn", I had to lean in deeper because I've heard that term but never actually understood what "fawn" was. When she said that it was when one develops people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict or harm, I knew she was talking about me. When I looked it up, Google said that fawning can look like ignoring Your Own Needs to Take Care of Somebody Else, Not Feeling Seen or Heard by Others., Never Being Able to Say No, Feeling Responsible for Other People's Emotions, Not Voicing Your Values, and Not Having Clear Boundaries....I felt exposed! I have had ALL these behaviors! Add that in a Life Path 3, and if you know anything about life path numbers, you know us 3s are the Kings and Queens of Masking our true emotions. Needless to say, I'm a whole fawning mess. But when you know better, you do better, right?
There's been so many ways I've gaslit my gut. I gaslit my gut while in my teaching career. I've gaslit my gut while writing my dissertation. I've gaslit my gut while parenting. I've gaslit my gut while watching what's being projected as our federal political reality, and it shouldn't be. Real talk: I've even gaslit my gut in my marriage. And I was always complicit in letting others gaslight my gut. I think I ought to write a blog or book about it!
Awareness is the key to any type of healing that needs to take place. That's why I'm taking responsibility for my complicity in my own gaslighting, naming it when I recognize it, and putting up boundaries like stop-sticks.
So this week, I'm curious to know in what areas of your life do you recognize that you've gaslit your gut or you tuned into that gut feeling but ignored it and regretted it later? You certainly don't have to share with me on such a public forum, but definitely reflect on a time when that happened. We need to be consistently reflective to experience aggressive growth in any form.
Or maybe you're even struggling to tune into your intuition. In that instance, you have to get quiet. Quiet your environment to quiet your mind. Put your phone down and sit with your thoughts. That’s called meditation at rest. You can also do what I do: active meditation. I rarely have music playing when I’m driving. Partially because my son doesn’t like it, but I also started doing that when I needed to hear my own thoughts. Now, I don’t listen to the radio at all, and if I choose music, it’s music that’s on my forever playlist. I get my best ideas from running! That’s my favorite way to meditate! Start with 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, and just build up from there! Also, eating a clean diet will help! The cleaner your diet, the more your blood will flow, and the more you’ll be able to tap into your thoughts.
And to wrap up, I leave you with a quote and affirmations:
Well, that's all for me this week! I mentioned that I will run replays of two of my favorite shows over the next two weeks as I prepare for my defense on May 1st. So, tune in to relive the moments! :) The next one up is You Are What You Consume.
Until then, love and peace to all of you! Have the best week!
Alexa, play the chorus of “The Voice Within” by Christina Aguilera.
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