Saturday, February 26, 2005: Date of Soul Collision
Approximately four months before this night,
I was in a snowstorm of grief because I had lost my
first real boyfriend and lover to Sickle Cell Anemia.
Babajide Sulaimon Shekoni was his name. Nigerian
and proud. He was a beautiful light of love, fun, and
care and was a personified version of a non-stop party!
He loved virtual poker, drinking, his fraternity, his mom's
Nigerian food, his brothers, Usher's "Confessions," and me.
He loved me so much. And it was mutual. That's why I mourned
him so hard. It was difficult for me to move past that grief
because it was unexpected. He lived like he didn't have Sickle Cell,
and when he had his first crisis during our 9-month relationship,
he spent a few days in the hospital and was released. The 2nd time,
I took him to the hospital on a Monday, and he died on Saturday.
We were 20, and you carry this aura of invincibility when you're
that young. Life is so fragile, but young people don’t understand that.
I sure didn’t. The grief came in waves, and I experienced all the waves at once.
Approximately 5 months before this night, he was walking away
from a marriage that wasn't ideal. Some heavy financial betrayal
occurred between the two, and consequently, the relationship
became estranged and adulterous. He was in Corpus Christi, TX,
and practically left the life he created while in the Navy
to return to Kansas City. He was defeated, broken, jobless, and
starting to build a life from scratch (with the help of his family.
His cousin Montez heard about
this party on the Rockhurst campus
from a girl he was acquainted with
and asked Raymond if he wanted to go.
He wanted to hang out with Montez,
so he agreed to go!
My friend Carole showed up at my apartment and
was adamant that I come out with her to this Alpha party
happening on the Rockhurst campus (We attended UMKC at
the time and didn’t go to Rockhurst…except for this party). I was
not trying to go ANYWHERE, and when she arrived at my apartment,
I wasn’t even dressed. She figuratively pulled me off the floor to attend
this party. I don’t remember all of the details, but I remember it being
dark, and I remember dancing in the back of the room. I had to put on a
front to have fun, and I’m so glad I was forced to do so because it was
the most fun I’d had in months.
Toward the end of the party, the DJ played a song
I could Nina Pop to…#fromtheLouandImproud
Unbeknownst to me, there was someone watching
me dance and have fun. He approached me as the
lights came on and people exited the building. The dialogue
went a little something like this:
“Hey! I was watching you dance from across the room. I had to come find out more about you.
What’s your name?”
“My name is Mallory! What’s yours?”
“My name’s Raymond. Nice to meet you (shakes my hand).”
“Nice to meet you too!”
“Hold up....are you the Mallory from Grandview?”
“(Laughs in Mallory) No, I’m from St. Louis.”
“Oh, I know another Mallory from Grandview, and she’s the only black Mallory I know.”
“Oh yeah? I know, it’s a white girl name.”
Laughter and smiles connect us.
“So, I’d love to take you out sometime. Do you have a number I can have?”
“(extremely flattered) Sure! Here’s my number! Do you have your phone?"
"Yes! (Gets phone out and flips it open). What is it?
"(gives number) 636-***-****"
"Here....let me put my name in there so it's spelled right."
*He willingly gives me his phone, so I can type my name. I hand it back.*
“Thank you so much! I look forward to speaking with you soon.”
“(blushing) Same to you. Have a nice night!”
“You too.”
We all leave because it’s like 2 AM in the morning.
Carole drops me off at my apartment, and we hug
and say goodbye to each other in the parking lot.
As I’m walking to the door, my phone rings from
an unknown number. At that time, I answered
unknown phone numbers… LOL
“Hello?”
“Hey! This is Raymond!”
“Oh, hey! What’s going on?”
“Well, I was just calling to see if you made it home ok.”
“(huge smile spreads across my face) Yes, I made it home safely. Thanks for making sure!”
“Of course. Have a great night!”
“You too!”
Of course, I called Carole and was squealing over that he called to see if I made it home ok. That was the sweetest thing that a guy I’d just met had ever done for me.
🔗🔗🔗INSTANT TRAUMA BOND🔗🔗🔗
Little did we know that we both had baggage we'd carry into a relationship.
He felt betrayed;
I was heavily grieving.
He was still legally married;
I was thirsty for anyone to show me a little attention.
He's egotistical,
I'm headstrong,
and we're polar opposites in likes, preferences, learning styles, personalities, etc.
The next day, we talked for a few hours on the phone,
getting to know each other. We enjoyed each other’s
conversation so much that we set our 1st date that
next day.
Monday, February 28, 2005: First Date
We decided to go to Gates BBQ because I
had never been to Gates or had the experience
(we learned that in our conversation). We met at
the Gates on Main Street. Raymond said he was
nervous and had butterflies in his stomach. I was
excited to interchange energy with a male again.
I don’t remember what I ate, but the sauce wasn’t
all that good (I still don’t like it...don't come for me, KC).
That was supposed to be the end of the date, but we
didn’t want to separate from each other, so he asked
me where I was going…I was going to attend my friend’s
percussion recital. He said he’d go! I was so impressed.
Well, the recital was incredibly boring, and he even went to sleep during the show. We left at intermission, but I was flattered by the fact that he went with me. At intermission, we departed each other to continue with our evening.
I know after that date, we both fell for each other. It wasn’t love at first sight, but there was an energy around us that seemed familiar. He felt safe to me. He felt genuine to me. He felt like love.
It was so easy at the beginning of the collision...too good to be true. And it'd prove as such.
The rest is a beautiful disaster.
Alexa, play “Collide” by Tiana Major9 and EARTHGANG.
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